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Will Priddis

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hothotphone:

"Coasters"

“Wow, you sure have a lot of coasters.”

“I know, right? Gotta protect your surfaces.”

“Since you brought it up, where are your tables?”

“Sold them. Needed money for the coasters.”

“Then where do you put your glasses down?”

“Don’t have any glasses. Sold them to buy more coasters.”

“So what do you use the coasters for?”

“To start conversations.”

“How do you end the conversations?”

“Haven’t gotten that far yet. Hey, check out my coasters.”

“Wow, you sure have a lot of coasters.”

[Keaton Patti is a writer and comedian living in New York City. You may remember him from the previous sentence.]

cedricdigory:

Taylor Swift, another victim of TFIOS (x) (cc. taylorswift fishingboatproceeds)

(via fishingboatproceeds)

Now, let’s get started! I’ve been planning this for three months.

(Source: b99things, via brooklyn99gifs)

notenoughsockmonkeys:

So my parents bought me this thing called the Selfie Stick

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And pretty much you attach your phone to the stick and you can take pictures using the little clicker thing. So instead of taking photos like this:

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I can take photos like this:

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(via rustbloods)

mrrandomneseianese:

Guys can we talk about how great reversed gifs are

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like we have the vacuums

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we have the dirty stuff

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we have the fixers

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we have the ceptioners

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and we have my favorite 

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like these are the greatest things in the world

(via rustbloods)

themattyhealy:

WELCOME TO THE WILD RIDE FUCKBOY 

(Source: spookee-skeleton, via rustbloods)

officialfemme:

GENERIC HORROR MOVIE 5: THE RECKONING

where’s my oscar

(via rustbloods)

lil-jawn:

Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child

(Source: jav-o-lantern, via tyleroakley)